Before exchanging “I do’s”, there was one thing vital Jan Oliver Lucks and fiancée Zoe felt they wanted to do.
Have intercourse with different individuals and movie it.
Using their iPhones, the bride- and groom-to-be recorded their six-month exploration of polyamorous love. Their probing journey — to ménage à trois or nah? — is the topic of a brand new docudrama, “There Is No ‘I’ in Threesome,” which premieres on HBO Max on Feb. 11.
“Sex can be a performance or an act,” German-born, New Zealand-based documentarian Lucks, 37, advised The Post.
“Depending on who your dance partner is, you change the way you act and dance.”
After dancing a duet as monogamous lovers for years, Lucks and Zoe agreed that they have been inquisitive about polyamory — a way of life that may be outlined as sharing an intimate relationship with a couple of romantic associate.
“Non-monogamy was something that we had on our minds before we started our relationship,” mentioned Lucks, who directs and co-stars in the movie. “We just hadn’t explored it.”
According to the phrases of their open relationship, each he and Zoe have been free to interact in heterosexual or same-sex romantic encounters with others. They needed to clearly talk the small print of their extra-relational rendezvous with one another beforehand and afterward.
Lucks and Zoe then had the choice so as to add the opposite individual as a 3rd to their nontraditional fold.
“It brought out different aspects of our behavior in the bedroom. We were pushed into new territory,” mentioned Lucks, who beforehand thought of himself a “sexual underachiever” as a result of his lackluster love life in school.
“We would have an experience with someone else, and then bring it [or them] into our relationship and our bed afterwards,” he continued.
“It really enriched our sex life.”
No want was deemed too taboo.
The pair tried just a little little bit of every thing, from collaborating in intercourse events to BDSM to watching each other have intercourse with different companions through Skype. They loved all of it.
“It was so easy to become enamored with the attention and the excitement and the sex and the infatuation,” Lucks mentioned.
But because the saying goes: You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.
“Jealousy does arise,” Lucks mentioned. “Suddenly, your partner needs you for less things. Now, there are other men [in her life] … There were certainly times when I would let things go further than I’d felt comfortable with, but I knew we were making a good film,” he added.
At one level, Lucks requested a clearly besotted Zoe if she’d be prepared to finish a burgeoning romance with one in every of her extra enchanting dates. But Zoe was reluctant to stroll away from the opposite lover.
When jealousy and insecurity grew to become overwhelming, the movie project grew to become Lucks’ lifeboat.
“The film became quite crucial to my well-being,” he advised The Post. “I leaned on it heavily in hard times. I knew I had to see this through.”
Despite the emotional turbulence Lucks endured throughout his foray into non-monogamy — to not point out the toll it took on his and Zoe’s relationship — he advised The Post he’d do all of it once more.
“There was a lot of self-growth I experienced throughout the whole ordeal,” Lucks admitted.
And whereas his expedition into the world of open relationships and polyamory got here at a shocking price — The Post received’t spoil the twisty ending — Lucks appreciates the perception he gained into Zoe’s character earlier than doubtlessly strolling down the aisle.
“We also learned a lot about each other, and found out how we worked as a couple. It was quite valuable, figuring it all out before marriage,” he mentioned.